In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
