look no pants
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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