My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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