Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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