fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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