We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
