This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
