He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
