he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
