so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
