Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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