Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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