how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
