dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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