Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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