So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
