i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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