oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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