dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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