Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize