i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
