Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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