It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
