a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
