How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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