She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
