Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
