Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
