haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
