i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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