no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
