if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize