i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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