I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
