If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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