you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
