we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
