i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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