I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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