You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
