i already hear my dad disowning me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
