What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
