Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
