Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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