Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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