3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
