Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
