She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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