Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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