She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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