Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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