Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
