don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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