So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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