things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize