Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
