hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
