It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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