Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
