this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
