my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she looked like the before picture.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
