I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
