I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
