How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
