i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
