its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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