ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
