allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
