We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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