the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
