I think my vagina is haunted
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
