just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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